An Unexpected Yoga Pose

Just like many creative projects, this one experienced a dip in energy in April. I began questioning: I am doing the right thing? Do I really want to commit to this practice for the next year? What was I thinking?

The idea for this year of dedicated practice – of rocking 29 – has been simmering on my conscious for a while. And I don’t want to give up when the going gets tough or when I am not sure how to proceed. I don’t do this in other areas of my life – places where I have more responsibility and obligation, so I certainly don’t want to do this in my place of creativity and spirituality.

Part of this practice is taking a step back and realizing that the doubts that I felt and the questions that were raised are an important part of the process. There are, in fact, more important opportunities for growth that the times were I am feeling elated and “in the flow”. It is in our discomfort that we are actually growing. Think of strength training for example. You are not growing and toning new muscle unless you are pushing yourself and feeling a bit of discomfort.

I thought about this today when I found myself in a very unexpected yoga pose. My legs were in warrior two alignment but both knees were bent and my top half was peeled back like a flower blooming. Not exactly comfortable, but boy did I feel good when I curled back out of it!

My yoga practice reminds me of why I am doing this practice and why I am committed to being more mindful, especially when I am not feeling excited about it. Show up. Allow yourself to embrace discomfort, and breathe it in. Be present. This is where true growth happens.

And so this month, I started a practice of being more mindful through my writing and showing up to the page to write 500 words per day. I started the practice on Saturday and wrote for four days in a row, missed two days, and am now back at the page with renewed vigor. My Morning Pages have been telling me to WRITE. Writing never fails to surprise and amaze me. It is very rare that I sit down to write and the outcome is actually what I anticipated. Just like when I come to the yoga mat or when I show up to work each day, I am not really sure where things will take me. 

Today my yoga instructor said, “If you think you’ve have your body figured out, you’re wrong.” I love that! It is so true! The older I get, the more that I recognize that no one has it all figured out (and whoever tells you that they do is full of shit). The moment you think you have it figured out, the Universe will throw you a curveball just to make sure you are staying on your toes and paying attention. And those are the keys: Attention, Mindfulness, and Showing Up.

May: Faith to be an Artist

Today marks the twelfth and final week of the Artist's Way. 

Over and over and over again in my Morning Pages, one word/action/lifestyle/answer keeps coming up. "WRITE!" my pages scream. But I am resistant. We humans are great at making up excuses. 

I'll let you in on a little secret...I'm writing a book. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but it's here, bubbling under the surface. Giggling and teasing. Waiting for me to coax it out and to help it take shape in the world. And I need to remember to surrender to the process and stop trying to force it. Stop trying to figure out what it looks like. 

The last chapter of The Artist's Way was about faith. Faith to be an Artist. Faith to live life creatively. Faith to trust in yourself and the process. And that's what this blog is about too. Faith to trust in myself and trust in the practice. 

For the month of May, I will: 

Continue to write Morning Pages even though the Artist's Way is over. 
Write a blog post or 500 words every day. 

Elizabeth Gilbert recently posted a letter about the most important tools in a creative person's life: 

Don't wait for the world to clear out time and space for your dreams and your art. It doesn't happen that way. The world rushes in, and always will. Wait for things to be perfect and you'll die waiting. Push back a bit.

So, here it goes! 

Reflections on Family

We must take care of our families wherever we find them. - Elizabeth Gilbert 

I am currently in New York visiting with my older sister and what a beautiful time to reflect on April's theme: family. I love that my family is made up not just of my blood relatives, but an eclectic, beautiful web of people in my life; people who support me and love me unconditionally. Family is a place where I feel safe and accepted, but also where I feel challenged. Family acts as a mirror that reflects both where I came from and where I am now. Sometimes this reflection is prohibitive, other times it is freeing. 

One of the biggest lessons I've learned about family over the years is that just because family will always be there doesn't mean that you don't have to make an effort. All relationships take nurture and care. And the most important relationship to nurture and care is the one with yourself. If you are feeling exhausted, depleted, or overwhelmed, it is hard for you to be present with your family. I am a nurturer by nature, so it is my tendency to look after the needs of others before my own. The last two years have witnessed a lot of growth in this department. I have learned: 

• Draw boundaries. The people who don't respect your boundaries are people that don't draw them themselves. 
• Make time for yourself. ME-time is not only for yourself, but for the benefit of your family is well. You will be so much more pleasant to be around if you take care of yourself first. 
• Make peace with family guilt. The only one who is in control of feeling guilty (or not guilty) is you. If you are feeling guilty - what is this a signpost of? It is either sheds light on somewhere you have not been showing up OR is an indication of something you need to (nicely) communicate. 
• Communicate expectations. Communicate expectations. Communicate expectations - in all relationships. I learn this one over, and over, and over again.  

Every weekend in April was spent with immediate family (mine and David's), and I am proud to report that I carved out space for myself each weekend. I got early to write Morning Pages and go for a walk. I found quiet moments throughout the day to stop, reflect, and appreciate. And because of this self-care and intention, the moments that I spent with family I felt present and grateful. 

Favorite family moments from this month: 

Finding out that not one, not two, but four of my friends are pregnant :)

Picnicking with my dad in Atlanta as a celebration of the warm weather 

Thrift-store shopping with my mom in Asheville

Giving David's parents a tour of our new house 

Going to the ballet with my sister at Lincoln Square