I am currently in New York visiting with my older sister and what a beautiful time to reflect on April's theme: family. I love that my family is made up not just of my blood relatives, but an eclectic, beautiful web of people in my life; people who support me and love me unconditionally. Family is a place where I feel safe and accepted, but also where I feel challenged. Family acts as a mirror that reflects both where I came from and where I am now. Sometimes this reflection is prohibitive, other times it is freeing.
One of the biggest lessons I've learned about family over the years is that just because family will always be there doesn't mean that you don't have to make an effort. All relationships take nurture and care. And the most important relationship to nurture and care is the one with yourself. If you are feeling exhausted, depleted, or overwhelmed, it is hard for you to be present with your family. I am a nurturer by nature, so it is my tendency to look after the needs of others before my own. The last two years have witnessed a lot of growth in this department. I have learned:
- Draw boundaries. The people who don't respect your boundaries are people that don't draw them themselves.
- Make time for yourself. ME-time is not only for yourself, but for the benefit of your family is well. You will be so much more pleasant to be around if you take care of yourself first.
- Make peace with family guilt. The only one who is in control of feeling guilty (or not guilty) is you. If you are feeling guilty - what is this a signpost of? It is either sheds light on somewhere you have not been showing up OR is an indication of something you need to (nicely) communicate.
- Communicate expectations. Communicate expectations. Communicate expectations - in all relationships. I learn this one over, and over, and over again.
Every weekend in April was spent with immediate family (mine and David's), and I am proud to report that I carved out space for myself each weekend. I got early to write Morning Pages and go for a walk. I found quiet moments throughout the day to stop, reflect, and appreciate. And because of this self-care and intention, the moments that I spent with family I felt present and grateful.
Finding out that not one, not two, but four of my friends are pregnant :)
Picnicking with my dad in Atlanta as a celebration of the warm weather
Thrift-store shopping with my mom in Asheville
Giving David's parents a tour of our new house
Going to the ballet with my sister at Lincoln Square
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